Welcome to My Blog

Feeling Vulnerable in a strange land. Vulnerable "Ah, I missed him, I missed home This week I had to go to the UK for a certification training. It was a bit of an adventure as somebody forgot to tell me the training had been cancelled. Ooops. We then tried to pull it off last minute. It took a lot of flexibility from everyone but it ended up being rather good. The highlight though was the realisation that I’m more vulnerable.   I was there alone, which is a great opportunity to enjoy my own company and reset batteries.   There were ambiguity and pseudo plans changing. My usual me wouldn't be bothered by this at all and, in fact, it could be rather fun. But not this time. This time, I just wanted my honey to me tell me everything was great, that we could enjoy the time there anyways.   Together, we would have laughed at paying 5 pounds for a taxi to leave in the same spot instead of taking us to the hotel.   This trickery wasn't funny, though, and I couldn't wait to get out of there, to rest and calm down. I wanted to feel protected and taken care of so I could, in turn, feel I could protect my baby and let him rest and grow.   Instead, I felt fragile and anxious about ensuring a safe and nurturing place for the baby. Could he feel what I was feeling? I hugged my belly and told him we were in this together, that everything was fine, mum was just a little nervous.   The training was...

Symptoms and doubts The baby is now the size of a Lego man! "And now I can drink water again, as long as it is slowly and just a few sips at the time." The baby is now the size of a Lego man! As that was not awesome enough, the internal organs are now basically there and working by themselves. It's mind blowing. And the baby is touching the face and starting to practice some coordination. Symptoms are touch wood, starting to get a bit lighter, especially nausea. I'm still tired very often but even that seems to be improving. And I now can drink water again, as long as it is slowly and just a few sips at the time. Bathroom issues remain the same, no matter how many veggies and fruit I eat. The metallic flavour on my mouth is mostly gone and the main thing that still catches me up by surprise every now and then is the dizziness when turning or standing up too quickly. The belly is getting firmer, more compact, but not really showing yet. And, yay!, sex drive is coming back! One of the main topics coming to mind is bringing this wonderful human into this world. Natural birth, hospital, epidurals, C-sections, etc, etc. What will feel best for us, what would the baby want, what does the body need? No idea, opinions diverge and the internet is really not helping. I need to select a few key people to ask about this - people whose opinions I value and that seem aligned with my world view. Who and where are...

Family Matters The baby is now the size of a pecan! "Sometimes, I almost see our baby, moving and floating, and I imagine how it will feel as the world opens up to him/her. "  Oh, what a week! We went to visit my family and it ended up being quite intense. It seems like each person is going through a transition phase, which is great, but there’s a lot of tension in the air. Also, they could tell something was different about me though they weren’t sure what it was. In the end, we didn’t say we are expecting a baby as it felt too soon and it would just add more excitement to an already over excited group of people. My mother suspected it and even touched my belly and it was interesting to see how invading that felt. There’s something about a hand reaching out of nowhere to touch what is now the most vulnerable and precious part of your body that really put me on alert and made me step back. Something to prepare for, as with a growing belly this is likely to just happen more and more.   Apart from it, it was good to go back home and see the wonderful light of the city, so unique and charming. There was also quite some indulgence, eating the local food and sweets. Nothing too crazy but still significant, which I was able to negotiate with myself. I was there for a few days and it was okay to have a bit of those flavors that I seldom get to taste. Surprisingly, the weight...

Fizzy water! Oh yeah, nothing so far is more helpful with the nausea. Here I was, always shying away from carbonated water, which feels and tastes like medicine to me. I never got the appeal and, here it is, helping me throughout the day. The little joys and achievements of early pregnancy, I guess. I am trying to stay positive, and usually it's fine but there are moments I think of that popular song that says "I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired". It's a bit exhausting and it would be nice to have a different answer to give my honey when he comes home and asks me how I am. Apart from this, things are very good. I'm as happy as I could be for not having to go to work, dealing with the standing, the stress and constant pressure to perform at your best, when all you want is to sit down and avoid fainting or fall asleep. We are considering moving to a new place, so it's nice for a family setting, where the kids would be able to grow enjoying the outdoors and a safe, green area. Still, we really like it here and there are budget considerations. We'll keep our eyes open and see what we can find. I remember playing outside growing up, some times by myself, some times with other kids. It was fun and creative. In some areas, if not many, it would now be considered negligence or insanity to leave your kid playing outside. The child might be kidnapped, car hit, or who knows what else. If...

What a week it has been...! I'm so incredibly tired and sleepy and with this constant half-nausea as an ongoing companion. It is getting slightly better as, apparently, the placenta is starting to do more of its thing. Still, the low energy is a drainer and it's sometimes even hard to express the happiness and gratitude that for sure abound. Pilates keeps me sane as a time and space travel portal that gives me energy and lets me be at peace. Things there are a bit tricky as I am training to be a Pilates instructor but there has been questions about my commitment and now, actually, I'll need to take a break to bring this wonderful baby to life. A little rock in my shoe that I hope won't make any blisters. Anyway, hopefully the energy will start picking up again and there will have more interesting stuff to share here. The baby is now the size of the smallest chameleon in the world, an exciting comparison. I remember being a kid (3-4 years old?) during a family summer vacation on a beach island somewhere. There was this chameleon in the bathroom on the ground floor and it took me a while to grasp what it meant. It seemed, to my innocent children's eyes, that it was melting with the environment and it was, clearly, a magical creature. I feel in love immediately. Another thing on my mind is sharing the baby news. We are visiting my family in a few weeks and it's tempting to share the joy - they will be thrilled. It's also a good...

The Law of Contradiction The baby is growing and is now the size of a ladybird. How awesome is that? A lot of things are being created and it just feels like a miracle. So many little things happening at the same time, orchestrated by Nature and fuelled by my own body. It's quite surreal but at the same time, whoever I see is the result of that same process. Everyone who ever existed and those who are now alive have been a part of this process. It's unbelievable. In the meantime, there's not much more to report. I'm super tired and just want to sleep the whole time. Unfortunately when I actually try to sleep during the day, nothing happens. I just look at nothingness before giving in to the mobile phone, spending time and eye balls on... can't even remember on what 🙂 Nausea is always there;  but at least I'm not vomiting. Oh, yes, now we are happy that we are not vomiting. My husband is being super patient and helpful in my low energy and "meh" mood; on top of it, he is super excited about the baby and the whole experience - I think, maybe, he'd be happy to get some of my symptoms to share the experience even more. We are so fortunate. I've been reading and researching a lot about the baby, how to prepare, what to expect and so on. One thing is for sure: it's a jungle out there. On any given topic, for every piece of information saying "X", there's another saying "definitely not X". There's just soooo much contradiction....

Baby is coming! Now, that's exciting! My man and I are just in the clouds, as happy as we can be. We just found out while taking a few days off so we are just enjoying the news, Nature and good food. The symptoms are here: tired and sleepy, need to use the restrooms almost every hour but really nothing to complain about. All and all, I'm smiling the whole time, goofy happy and just so grateful. Also a bit worried if everything is happening and progressing well. My doctor is on vacation so we'll only meet on week 8. We went to a doctor here and he said things look good, there's no rush to visit my doctor but he couldn't make all the tests because we wouldn't be here by the time we got the results. Either way, we had our first ultrasound and you could see it, you could clearly see baby's new home! Later in the week, the stomach is feeling a bit uncomfortable but can't really describe how - definitely not running to the WC like in the movies so I guess we are lucky. Baby, mom and dad are super happy. We wanted to register the pregnancy somehow, maybe a photo project but we are not feeling particularly creative. Just in case, we took a couple of pictures to mark the moment, hoping to do the same each week. Thoughts and emotions are all over the place: will it be a boy or a girl? What should we do, eat, see, read, etc? We are going to be awesome parents! The best in...

The baby is coming! My honey and I went on this long business trip, with a final destination in Sydney, for 2 weeks. It's true that Sydney in July is facing the Winter but that's the kind of Winter that is just nice and pleasant. Just imagine it, with 20'C temperatures, sunny and a little bit of a breeze o help you going roundabout. It's an awesome city, with a great laid back atmosphere, amazing landscapes and much to do and see. Suddenly,  the main reason to be there was gone. So we decided to cut the trip short and head back to Europe. Goodbye, amazing Sydney. What a bummer! Not only we were going to miss out on the city but the (very long) flight back and sleepy day afterwards but the flight would also be overlapping with the fertile window. What is the fertile window? I also didn't know but, if you are trying to conceive, you will find out about it very soon. It's those days of the month were you have the highest chances of getting pregnant. Hence, you don't want to miss a bit part of these days to fly across the globe and stress about packing. In fact, this meant we were most likely not going to make a baby this month. Still, love happens and we enjoyed our amazing time together 🙂 A couple of weeks later, we are having a tough family week, with lots of intense emotions and not enough rest. It didn't surprise me at all when the PMS started kicking in, a bit strong and different than usual. The period was a day...

I'll meet you soon. This time I knew it. I could just feel it in my body that a baby had arrived and was growing inside me. I was glowing with happiness and trying not to get too excited about it. Not before I could take the pregnancy test. But it was clear: the symptoms were there and every single part of me was telling me to connect to my womb where life was just beginning. When the period was expected to came, nothing happened. It was the confirmation of what I sort of knew already. How exciting! I couldn't wait to know for sure, share it with my honey and let the fireworks begin. I was singing and dancing in my mind. The next day came and so did my period. A little discomfort, some warmth and that was it. Dreams crushed in that moment, looking at the drop that told me loud and clear it wasn't happening. I went on denial, looking for all sources of information online that would tell me that, yes, you can bleed and still be pregnant. The implantation bleeding was one of the options. In case you are ever in this situation, note that it tends to happen over a week before the period is expected and it's a bit different. As I was trying to hold on to any hope, the period came in all its glory, leaving no room for doubts. I started crying and hugging my belly as if saying goodbye to my unborn child. Oh, that hurt. My baby wasn't coming and I wouldn't be able to hold him tight. I...