Week 11 – Bee Hummingbird
Feeling Vulnerable in a strange land.
Vulnerable
“Ah, I missed him, I missed home
This week I had to go to the UK for a certification training. It was a bit of an adventure as somebody forgot to tell me the training had been cancelled. Ooops. We then tried to pull it off last minute. It took a lot of flexibility from everyone but it ended up being rather good.
The highlight though was the realisation that I’m more vulnerable.
I was there alone, which is a great opportunity to enjoy my own company and reset batteries.
There were ambiguity and pseudo plans changing. My usual me wouldn’t be bothered by this at all and, in fact, it could be rather fun. But not this time. This time, I just wanted my honey to me tell me everything was great, that we could enjoy the time there anyways.
Together, we would have laughed at paying 5 pounds for a taxi to leave in the same spot instead of taking us to the hotel.
This trickery wasn’t funny, though, and I couldn’t wait to get out of there, to rest and calm down. I wanted to feel protected and taken care of so I could, in turn, feel I could protect my baby and let him rest and grow.
Instead, I felt fragile and anxious about ensuring a safe and nurturing place for the baby. Could he feel what I was feeling? I hugged my belly and told him we were in this together, that everything was fine, mum was just a little nervous.
The training was at the hotel and I ended up not going beyond the trees around the parking lot. I wanted to be close to the bed, to food, water and what was a bit more of a familiar setting.
I was uneasy all the time until I came back and saw him waiting for me at the Arrivals area.
Ah, I missed him, I missed home.
