Week 24: Tea and Tears

A week seasoned by worries in an otherwise happy and beautiful time.

Tea and Tears

Week 24: The baby is the size of a teapot

Tearing the peace apart

I am sitting outside, with a fresh breeze and surrounded by the sounds of the birds, thrilled with the arrival of Spring.

My man and boy went out for a walk, and I stayed here, to try to relax and rest a bit. I miss them already. It is a bit of a guilty feeling when they go, and I stay for “me time”, whatever that is.

Today I need it, though. This week we had a doctor appointment, and we discussed the results of an organ check analysis we made for the baby. Things look good; the baby is growing very well. However, there is a possibility that something is a bit off with his heart. It might not be anything; even if it is, most of the times it goes away before birth; when it doesn’t, it very often sorts itself out by the first birthday. In a few, instances, we might need an intervention, which sounds scarier than it is.

 

A teaspoon of patience…?

It is unclear if anything is happening at all. It’s all possibilities and worries. Nothing to do but wait. In a few weeks, we’ll do another check to see how things have progressed and get some clarity. We were told not to worry. If anything, the only thing to do – depending on what we hear in a few weeks – is to deliver the baby is a specialised hospital, just in case.

This is frightening. Sure, it’s all a lot of “if’s” at the moment, nothing concrete. But I can’t erase it out of my mind, and it keeps coming back, now and then. The baby is growing inside my body; I am supposed to be giving him the best nest possible for him to develop and come to meet us, happy and healthy. The fact that maybe there’s something not going entirely as intended makes me wonder if I am doing something wrong; if he’s well.

Visualisation is, once again, helping a little. I imagine and wish him to be healthy, happy, strong; that he feels loved and comfortable and thriving.

There’s a whole family full of love to give him, eager to meet him and I really want to scream at the Universe, to let him go and explore the world, full of energy, healthy and curiosity. May he be happy and confident, may he discover things we have never even imagined possible.

Tea Break

So, here I am, having my yellow tea, wishing him well, trying to relax. These worries come as ghosts; cuddles and good wishes send them away. I try to slow down and imagine each tea drop, like a magic potion, falling over him, healing him, strengthening him. He seems comfortable, swimming around – I think he wants to tell us everything is okay. I sip a bit more of tea, the tears flow. I smile at him, and the sun comes back, I feel its warmth on my skin.

We are well, love and time make everything better.

Here’s too good health, good wishes and peaceful strength.