Week 6 – Harsh

Sometimes you can spin things around with a positive attitude. This time was not one of those times. 

It was harsh and I am glad it’s coming to an end.

Sick, Shaky and Scared

Week 6: The baby is the size of a ladybird

My husband was away on a business trip. Normally it would have been fine, we have done it many times before. Sure, we would miss each other, the three of us, but we were going to make it work. 

In the first few days, everything went well. The house was too quiet and the baby was clearly missing daddy. But things were moving along. And I had some alone time in the evenings after the baby was asleep. It was just me, not the wife, not the mother. And that felt good. 

But then my husband went missing in action. His phone stopped working and I didn’t know how he was. It turns out that he crashed asleep early with the jetlag and the phone decided to crash as well. Due to the time zone differences, it meant quite a few hours. First world problems, sure. Not so long ago, there were no mobile phones to be crashed. But now there are, and I got nervous. My man was incomunicado across the Ocean.

Harsh and Spinning Hard

Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe not. But with the nerves and stress, my stomach went on a whirlpool. I couldn’t sleep and felt nauseous. I’ve been here before, I thought, I can just fall asleep, and I’ll be fine. And so it was, eventually, but only to wake up to a nightmare. I had to throw up several times and was extremely dizzy. I couldn’t find the door, the sink, the walls… More importantly, when trying to avoid the stairs so I wouldn’t fall, I ended up on the other side of the room.

It was beyond scary. I was alone – worse; I was with a baby that if he needed my help, I would be in no way of supporting. It was tempting to let go and let myself faint on the floor, but there was a visceral appeal not to, it was too dangerous to just fall on the bathroom floor. Everything was fast rotating: my stomach, my world, myself.

A while later -15min? An hour? – I managed to go from my knees to bend over the sink. I tried to sip some water. And then it all came out again. Water was the worse. There we go, back to hell. Lying on the floor, I was just hoping my baby wouldn’t need me. Was he waking up with my belly spams? Oh, please, honey, sweet dreams, everything will be alright.

Finally, I manage to go to bed. But I kept throwing up and feeling the room was spinning fast. My hands were holding on tight to the mattress knowing that it was all in my head but feeling that I would be projected out of there otherwise. Breathe, Inês, breathe. You are going to be okay.

Harsh Lesson

And it got better. In the morning, I kept throwing up, but the dizziness was gone. My baby felt something was different but showered me with cuddles – an unusual but very welcomed behaviour. During the last couple of days, nausea has been constant but better, and the dizziness was gone. It got better when I knew my husband was well and soon coming home. Maybe it was a coincidence, maybe not.

It is time to find a better support system, so we have someone to rely on if both mummy and daddy are not available. Maybe a babysitter, perhaps a friend on call. Someone. In a different world and Universe, we would have our families nearby, but we don’t.

In the meantime, I can only be grateful for my family. And take one little sip of water at the time. Fizzy water seems to help, so be it.

My dear unborn baby, we love you already, and the nausea is nothing compared to the joy of knowing you are coming. We can’t wait to meet you. Good night, my love.