Motherhood – Emotions Series – Anger

Living with Anger

Anger. I always had a problematic relationship with Anger. According to the Atlas of Emotions, “We get angry when something blocks us or when we think we’re being treated unfairly”.

I have had a good share of that. It is difficult to remember moments where I was angry. Suppressing and dismissing the pain caused when I felt blocked or treated unfairly was much more common. It took a long time to realise that was not a winning strategy.

In one way or another, it needed to come out. Often in a disguised form, at inappropriate times. It was unhealthy. And looking at people around me who became bitter and dry from doing the same throughout their lives it became apparent that I needed something else.

But Anger is bad, right? We should not be angry. We should avoid it and get rid of it. I am a nice person, a happy person. I can’t be angry; it doesn’t fit who I am. Right? These were the beliefs I held for a long time.

Dealing with Anger

The turning point was hearing from a wise friend that Anger is energy. There is nothing bad or good about it.

There’s no reason to avoid it. Eventually, it hit me: I can’t avoid anger. It doesn’t matter if it fits my bubbly personality or not. It is human and natural to feel Anger. So why not embrace it? Or, at least, admit and recognise when it rises? If it is energy, what can I do with it?

And this is how I started a new journey. It is still not easy to deal with this feeling, not at all actually. What is more, it got better. Anger might be a sign of a blockage, but that raw power can be used for something else. Maybe it can be used to harness progress or unlocking something else. Or, better yet, to have an impact on what’s blocking us or making us feel mistreated.

I am now being put to the test. It is time to bring this practice to my daily life. A newborn and a young toddler are a handful. Today, like some other days, has been quite tough. I am sleep deprived, they both need to sleep, and eat and somehow managed to synchronise to yell and complain because they were lacking both and yet wanted neither.

This meant I couldn’t really help them sleep or calm them down and, as a result, I was becoming more and more sleep deprived, tired and stressed.

I got angry. Not at the kids, but at myself, at my incompetence in helping them sleep and eat. To top it off, my husband is actually on paternity leave. Thus, we are two adults taking care of two children and yet here we are, with loud yelling from both our sons. Will I be able to keep them clean, fed, feeling loved and rested without going insane in the process of trying?

Now I am angry at myself, but what if I ever get mad at them? Will I become the sort of parent that yells at his kids? Or even worse? There must be a way of using this energy, this wave of anger when my baby and I drop our heads falling asleep only to wake up with him yelling the next minute.

Benefiting from Anger

Today I tried once again. I sat down on the floor and told my boy that he was safe and well. That our family and home are kind and loving, and all is well. Mummy was, however, feeling angry and was acting differently. Still, mummy loved him, upset or not, now and ever. I then went one to try and get him to bed.

Finally, there was a moment to stop. I sat on the floor and felt all the anger pumping in my veins. That’s it, today the solution was clear: I made dinner and extra meals, did the laundry and paid the bills in record time. I got ready for bed and tied up some stuff around the house. All this in record time.

By the time I was done, I was feeling more energised and happier than when I woke up. Thank you, Anger. See you soon.