Table for one
Table for one?
Sitting in a cafe or restaurant alone. I remember doing this many times. I am not the most sociable person and I do need plenty of room to be in my own company. Quiet, processing, daydreaming. Still, it often felt awkward. Do I look like a lonely person that no one wants to be with? Is this happening because I want to or because I have no good alternatives?
More than once, someone I knew would walk in and see me. And I would feel double displeased: my alone time was interrupted AND s/he was now probably pitying me. Some lousy excuse or explanation would follow and I would then be uneasy with this person.
It’s funny because I never really minded what people thought too much. We all have our lives and preferences. We are experiencing different things so… why judge others and why bother if others are judging us? Yet, this was an exception – for some reason it triggered something.
Maybe it was related to the fact that I was clear that I did not want any romantic relationship for quite a while. I was happy on my own and didn’t feel a relationship would benefit this at all. But whenever I mentioned this to anyone, the response was always in the lines of “oh, don’t worry. You will meet somebody, someday”. Or “Yes, that’s what X used to say and s/he is now head over heels with Y”. Sure, but I really wasn’t interested in meeting anyone.
No table for one…
Fast forward and I am now completely in love with my husband and son. And I am so grateful for my life. What I felt at the time, though, was real and sincere. My husband just changed my whole world and life upside down.
Anyway, today was different. It’s Saturday and this morning my husband kicked me out of the house. He made it clear I was to go away for a few hours and he would stay with our baby. It was time for me-time and I would benefit from a little distance.
I resisted but he was right, of course. Since our baby was born, I had very little time to be by myself. And although I love my current life, I was lacking this loneliness. With such a family, I am safe from feeling lonely and it felt very good to feel alone again, just for a little bit.
So I went to a lake, walked around it with the camera on my hands and just enjoyed Nature and silence. It’s Autumn, so the scenery was gloomy and quiet. Beautiful and Nostalgic.
Table for one!
The next stop was a bakery.
“A cafe creme and that deliciously looking apple pastry, please. Oh, let me get that almond one too…!”
Small Indulgences. Sitting there, table for one, appreciating the rural ambience and community feeling. The dog that comes in and is greeted by like any another customer. The old lady who doesn’t need to say what she wants (“the usual, please”).
The newspaper was folded in front me. I considered the classic image and read it but, Nah, let’s take in the moment.
Just me, no rush, no awkwardness, no excuses.
Today, it’s table for one. With pleasure.