The boy is growing! We saw him again during an appointment, and his face was showing very clearly – it was fantastic. We could also see him moving around and getting comfy in his space. One can state the obvious once and again but a person is growing inside of me, and that is just unbelievable.
He’s growing and apparently, everything is progressing very well.
The not so good news is that the low iron levels went even lower, now being significantly under the minimum recommended. I didn’t fully process it during the session as I was so happy to see the baby again and know that he was well. But afterwards, it finally hit me what was going on. While it’s good to have an explanation for feeling tired so often and, most of all, to feel like my strength is gone when performing the most basic things like going up the stairs of carrying my backpack, it still feels like bad news.
I’ve been taking iron supplements, eating foods rich in Vitamin C and so on but it seems like it wasn’t working. I now have a different type of iron supplement, but it’s going to take a while – weeks – before knowing if it’s effective. I’m bummed because my body has been performing all of this fantastic work and it feels like there’s little that I can do at the moment to help it. At least the baby is getting what he needs, but it’s essential to have this sorted out, and I hope it improves very soon.
My husband and I went for a long weekend getaway in the mountains to rest and relax. We knew we needed it but it was really good to spend this time away, catching up on sleep, reading and enjoying ourselves. There was a pool area where we went each day and it felt wonderful to be in the water again and feel the effect of being in the water while pregnant – how it changes your weight, how you float, how you move… we had a great time there, enjoying the romance, the views, the floating of time, space and warmth.
In the end, the weekend was enchanting, with night walks under the moon, frozen lakes and breathtaking landscapes, a cosy and relaxing time together as a couple and a real chance to recharge batteries. Unforgettable.
Coming back was tough, though. As I saw a few of the pictures from the weekend, I had a small emotional meltdown. Maybe it’s the ski pants; maybe it’s the belly bump and the oversized hat (I wish I could find a hat my size). It could be the anaemia making me extra pale and tired looking. Perhaps it’s all of that but, erg, I didn’t look good at all. Am I that fat? Am I that bland looking?
The scale says no, but I can’t find the measuring tape to get some facts behind opinions. Looking at myself looking like that was a blow I was not expecting. Where and how did that happen? I tried to hide it from my husband as he was just about to leave to go to work but he saw right through me. He stayed longer and soothed everything away, with his wizard powers. He tried his best to convince me that it’s just the bump and the winter clothes I was wearing and that I look, otherwise, just the same.
Do I? I understand that while pregnant your body changes a lot and that it will take time to recover afterwards. I have been enjoying my growing belly and even became excited about my breasts that keep changing. But why the ghost face? Why the elephant legs? And where did my butt go?
It is true that it looks much better on some pictures than in others but… which ones are telling the truth? I need a measuring tape. And some acceptance – regardless of what’s going on, there’s not much I can do: I’ve been careful with food and can’t start a weight loss diet while I’m pregnant and I can’t exercise much more given the anaemia.
Anyway, I’m going for a walk, get some fresh air and hopefully shake this feeling away. It is what it is, and I might as well work with these emotions and do something good with them. Even if it is true that I gained fat, I need to stay confident that I can be and stay healthy. Plus, I have a load of fairy tale like memories from the weekend to remember, a beautiful baby and family to nurture and a great life to attend to.