Week 37: Big Emotions!
Emotions grow as the big moment arrive. Looking back and looking forwards, cherishing the moment before everything changes again.
The Rollercoaster week
Week 37: The baby is now the size of something big, like everything else
The baby is now considered near-term meaning he would most likely be just fine if he were born now. This is very exciting. I am having more and more contractions, the belly is starting to feel different and, overall, it just feels like he will be joining us soon.
At the same time, I’ve been fatigued, drained physically, emotionally and mentally. It’s still hot, I am sleeping even less, and our boy seems less calm, probably sensing our own excitement and anxiety. While everything is very positive at the moment, it is tough. With all of this happening, my husband is bending himself backwards and jumping over any obstacles to be as present as possible while finishing up all the work he really must finish before going on leave. He is, once again, making it indisputable that he is the best daddy, husband and man I could have found. Without his help, I wonder how my sanity would be preserved, and our boy so well took care of. We are all doing our best and making it work during this last phase.
On my side, there are some waves of frustration and feeling like I am not doing enough, that I should have more energy and give more. It is mostly a result of hormones, tiredness and excitement. All of that is clear and reasonable. However, understanding it at an intellectual level doesn’t make the emotions go away automatically.
And as I want to make that special something that my man would love and hit against a wall built of no time and no energy, it hurts a bit. If I am not enough for the three of us how will I be for a four? But these are fleeting emotions, they come and go. Once I focus on remembering all the moments of the day and the week (and there are so many!) where it feels incredibly magic and smooth to be a part of this family, all the frustration melts away.
It has also been very emotional to realise these are our last moments as a family of three. Our boy will not have the same level of attention and VIP treatment, and he’ll need to adjust – I think that will be particularly tough, for all of us. Still, we became a family so smoothly when he was born. Hence I have the confidence that we’ll find our new harmony and groove together.
On top of it, the love we have for him will not be divided. We have heard over and over again that our hearts will expand exponentially. Realising how I already feel for our unborn baby, I have no doubts this will be the case. Our family will change fundamentally. No matter how good or even better it will be, this is a precious moment that I want to cherish.