Week 36 – Pillow

The baby is the size of a throw pillow

The belly is the size of a big pillow

Arrivals and Departures

“I miss falling asleep in his arms and feeling like there’s no better place in the whole world. And then waking up with a sense of gratitude when I see him and my giant belly.” 

Very soon the baby will be here. It’s impossible to say if in a few days or a few weeks but it’s happening very soon. I’ve heard that when you get to these final weeks of pregnancy, you can’t wait to get it over with – it’s too tiring and uncomfortable. Plus, you are eager to get to know your child.
 
I’m not in that phase if I will be at all. He seems happy and growing smoothly inside my belly and I would much rather prefer he takes his time and decides when it’s the right moment.
 
Sure, I am tired, my back and pelvis keep changing at every moment. I’m often a bit dizzy, not sure if I’m hungry or full; if I should walk or lay my head on a pillow. Yet, all that is good. My body is figuring out what to do, how to enable both of us being well and getting ready for the big day. But, hey, ask me again in a week – maybe I’ll have a very different answer. 

My husband is away, on a business trip. So, I’m home alone, with no structure or agenda. It’s nice and quiet and I can take this time to reflect and process on things. I can do this when he is here, of course. But, somehow it feels like a reserved time to take the most out of this temporary solitude.

It has been tough, though. His absence is very present. I miss our moments together, our interactions, his interactions with the baby. And the sounds he makes when using the computer or listening to Morse transmissions. The soft and endearing disruption he often brings to the flow of our routine in the morning. His smile when he comes home and his smell when he’s close. I miss falling asleep in his arms and feeling like there’s no better place in the whole world. And then waking up with a sense of gratitude when I see him and my giant belly. 

He seems to be doing well, though, enjoying the trip and getting things done. Tired and jetlagged, for sure, but making the most out of it. He is an ace and I can’t avoid being proud of him. I hope the baby will get a lot of his values and traits. There’s so much we will teach the boy, consciously or not. I hope he’ll be strong and wonderful taking life by its horns. 

There’s no rush to say hello, honey. Enjoy the pillow and soon we’ll wake up – the three of us – in awe.