Week 33: Arrows, ups and downs
A week of ups and downs, good moments and challenging moments. And how a kids book can help.
Ups and Downs
Week 33: The baby the size of an arrow
One of my son’s favourite books has some illustrations of a path, which spirals around and has a red arrow pointing down and a green arrow pointing up. I tell him that he – the main character – is about to embark on an adventure with ups and downs. He points, and taps and asks for the names of everything in those pages. He’s excited.
This week has been the same, with lots of arrows pointing up and down.
We have had great days, with delicious moments. Our boy is in an incredible exploratory phase, full of energy, self-confidence and curiosity. It’s fantastic to get to see and be a part of it. Our baby is also taking more and more space in my belly, and I feel I can almost hug him and touch his hands. Somehow, I know he’s happy.
My husband has indulged us with an Instant Pot and a bread-making-machine, and we are now making loads of super tasty and healthy food. It’s a lot of fun to experiment with ideas and realise that we all get to eat better because of it. He has also been doing all he can to be present, to enjoy the family life and to take off some weight off of my shoulders. I am very grateful for it all.
But there were also a couple of days where I felt genuinely drained, physically, mentally, emotionally. It was as if everything seemed harder than usual, that the Universe was pulling strings to test my limits. On one of these days, I had to drop everything and cry. Not once, but three times. I was in pain; I felt powerless and frustrated, I was exhausted and overheated. And there was a toddler, and I baby to take care of, alone. It was scary even to try to go back home, as everything was going wrong. Would we have an accident, would I faint on the way? I just needed to sleep and be alone. But none of that was possible. And I felt myself breaking.
The illustration in the book came back to mind; it has helped me again during the week. “It’s just a red arrow pointing down moment. The journey is amazing. Just hold on tight as we get out of this tight curve. Look up and see all the fantastic characters and treasures you have been experiencing and what is ahead of you.”
And here we are, writing again. A square of dark chocolate is melting in my mouth, a cup of warm tea, lovingly brewed by my man. The green arrow is here.