Reframing. Exit career. Enter family.

My first coaching session was about reframing perspectives. The main message behind it is that Acceptance is not resignation. It’s understanding things as they are, keep standing and being able to then find the best way to respond. You might not change the situation or event but you can change how you respond to it. We have our own perspective on different topics and they impact how we live things, just like if perspectives were filters in a camera or sunglasses you put on suddenly the world looks different. Yet, if your perspective is negative and defeating so will, most likely, be your response. An example would be believing that if you are left alone with a cigarette, an icecream, or a bottle of wine, you are doomed. These things then get a lot of power over you; you become disempowered and weak in the face of these addictions. With this perspective, you can’t win, you can only fight it and struggle while there’s energy. Reframing is that conscious effort to see things differently. Fake it, imagine it, reflect on it, play with it – whatever floats your boat. For me, the main reframing in the past years was in regards to work vs family. I studied hard, worked hard and continue to do both. And then I realised that these efforts to reach the next milestone never end. The role can always be more complex, the salary higher, there’s always another degree to take, another training to pursue. And then? And then repeat. It was a really anxious journey to come to the realisation that this was it and so I tried to ignore it for a long time. There´s the theory of sunk costs – the more you invest and the more effort you put into something, the more likely you are to want to hold on to it, even when you find out it is not the right decision (anymore). That surely applied here. Surely all these years of dedication and energy were the right thing to do and a clear indicator of where I wanted to go. Right? Meh. To make matters worse, I was thinking of personal life, focusing on making a home and a family. And all the preconceptions about it. That was for those who couldn’t really get that far in their professional careers. That was a waste of talent and capabilities. Why spend the day changing diapers when there’s a new product to launch globally?

Reframing

But then I started imagining it. 10 years from now: more certifications, more responsibilities at work… more stress, even less sleep to meet with people around the globe… and for what? And then what? It was a threadmill image. Surely, you learn a lot and feel accomplishment. Sometimes, it is even rewarding and gives you a rush of adrenaline. And then what? Imagining making a home, spending time raising my children and welcoming my man to our cozy nest… And then? And then life makes sense. So here I am, with the clear understanding that my perspective has changed. I want to make a family above everything else and be there for them more than anything else. Not because I haven´t studied or worked enough but because this is what gives my life meaning and purpose.

If you are a manager and want to make sure you bring your teams to their best, visit me at Coaching for Work for coaching, team initiatives and Professional Assessments. You can also just email me at hello@coachingfor.work