The boy is growing! We saw him again during an appointment and his face was showing very clearly – it was fantastic. We could also see him moving around and getting comfy in his space. One can state the obvious once and again but… there’s a person growing inside of me and that is just unbelievable.
He’s growing well and apparently everything is progressing very well.
The not so good news are that the low iron levels went even lower, now being significantly bellow the minimum recommended. I didn’t fully process it during the session as I was so happy to see the baby again and know that he was well. But afterwards it finally hit me what was going on. While it’s good to have an explanation for feeling tired so often and, most of all, to feel like my strength is gone when performing the most basic things like going up the stairs of carrying my own backpack, it still feels like bad news. I’ve been taking iron supplements, eating foods rich in Vitamin C and so on but it seems like it wasn’t working. I now have a different type of iron supplement but it’s going to take a while – weeks – before knowing if it’s more effective. I’m bummed because my body has been performing all of this amazing work and it feels like there’s little that I can do at the moment to help it. At least the baby is getting what he needs but it’s important to have this sorted out and I hope it improves very soon.
My husband and I went for a long weekend getaway in the mountains to rest and relax. We kind of new we were needing it but it was really good to spend this time away, catching up on sleep, reading and enjoying ourselves. There was a pool area where we went each day and it felt wonderful to be in the water again and feel the effect of being in the water while pregnant – how it changes your weight, how you float, how you move… we had a great time there, enjoying the romance, the views, the floating of time, space and warmth.
In the end, the weekend was enchanting, with night walks under the moon, frozen lakes and breathtaking landscapes, a cosy and relaxing time together as a couple and a real chance to recharge batteries. Unforgettable.
Coming back was tough, though. As I saw a few of the pictures from the weekend I had a small emotional melt down. Maybe it’s the ski pants, maybe it’s just the belly bump and the oversized hat (I wish I could find a hat my size)…maybe it’s the anaemia making me extra pale and tired looking. Maybe it’s all of that but, erg, I didn’t look good at all. Am I that fat? Am I that bland looking? The scale says no but I can’t find the measuring tape to get some facts behind opinions. Looking at myself looking like that was a blow I was not expecting. Where and how did that happen? I tried to hide it from my husband as he was just about to leave to go to work but he saw right through me. He stayed longer and soothed everything away, with his wizard powers. He tried his best to convince me that it’s just the bump and the winter clothes I was wearing and that I look, otherwise, just the same.
Do I? I understand that while pregnant your body changes a lot and that it will take time to recover afterwards. I have been enjoying my growing belly and even became excited about my every changing breasts. But why the ghost face? Why the elephant legs? And where did my butt go? It is true that it looks much better on some pictures than in others but… which ones are telling the truth? I need a measuring tape. And some acceptance – regardless of what’s going on there’s not much I can do: I’ve been careful with food and can’t really start a weight loss diet while I’m pregnant and I can’t exercise much more given the anaemia.
Anyway, I’m going for a walk, get some fresh air and hopefully shake this feeling away. It is what it is and I might as well work with these emotions and do something good with them. Even if it is true that I gained fat, I need to stay positive I can be and stay healthy. Plus, I have a load of fairy tale like memories from the weekend to remember, a wonderful baby and family to nurture and a great life to attend to.
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